This particular new year is bringing lots of changes for me. And I don’t feel ready. Eeeek!
I’m not a New Year’s resolution person. I’ve set resolutions in the past and they haven’t stuck. I now know from experience if I’m not willing to make a particular change at any time of year, it’s not going to happen. Period.
That said, some Januarys have been real change-makers for me. Like in 2010. I got pregnant with my second son, we searched for, found and purchased a house in a different city and sold our home. All within a few weeks’ time.
In 2012 – tomorrow, actually – my life will change. A lot. I’m returning to work after an extended maternity leave (15 1/2 months) and my littlest one will be heading to daycare. And, for the first time in my life, I’ve chosen to work part-time instead of full-time so I can take on freelance work (writing and social media).
My stomach is doing flip-flops.
Change can be scary. It encourages fear and insecurity to rear their ugly heads. A bunch of nasty questions have floated around in my head the past few days. Stuff like:
Will my son be okay? (Of course he will. It’ll be good for him).
Can I get my brain back into shape and actually engage in adult-speak again? (Unlike many moms who seem to hold focused conversations, I feel like my brain is mush right now). And can I be confident that, if good news is mentioned in a business meeting, I won’t accidentally spring from my chair and start jumping up and down while clapping and gleefully exclaiming “YAY!”?
Can I really do this freelance work, where I’ll have to actually ‘sell myself’ (in the non-street-sense, of course ;-))?
Will I be able to balance part-time work, freelance work, family life and my commitment to health and personal fulfillment? And enjoy myself in the process?
To be honest, I’m afraid. I’ve worked hard over the past year to unearth my purpose and what’s important to me. I want to make sure I hold that focus in the upheaval of the changes ahead.
My conscious brain says I’ll sort all of this out and the challenges ahead will be good for me. I’ll grow. I can do this, and the changes will be good for our family.
My subconscious, on the other hand, has sent large-winged butterflies flapping madly in my stomach.
Whatever the year brings, one thing’s for sure: 2012 won’t be boring.
Are you expecting any big changes this year? Please share!