Heart of the Matter

For a long time now, I’ve wrestled with a haunting sense that something is missing.  Not my keys, wallet or mobile phone, but something far more important.  My purpose.  Fulfillment.  My raison d’etre.

Overall things are really good.  I’m happy with my life and grateful for the people in it.  So how do I explain that I need more?  Guilt – something I used to have far too close a relationship with – would set in if I let it: “Isn’t my family enough?  What about my work?  My friends?”  Well, the situation is what it is: I need more.  I need the piece of the puzzle that’s been in hiding.

Strangely enough, I recently stumbled across a journal entry I had written back in 1996 where I talked about searching for meaning.  So apparently this has been an issue for me for a long time.  Far too long.

I’ve talked to friends going through this too.  They plow through their busy lives and all is fine on the surface, but deep down they feel like something is missing, something they can’t quite put their finger on.  Like their lives have somehow gone slightly off course.

I made a decision: I’m not going to live on auto pilot, just going through the motions.  I’m going to get back to basics and figure out what really makes me tick.  What drives me.  What makes me, well… me.  To help with this, I’ve been working with a life coach.  I’ll write more on that in a future post, but will just say that it’s been an amazing process.

The positive thing about this discomfort that’s reared its ugly head in my life for, um, years, is that it’s finally pushed me to make some changes.  I’m now actually doing something about it!  And I’m growing in the process.

Do you know anyone experiencing a similar nagging feeling?  Oh, and on a fun note, here’s some food for thought: when in your life have you felt most “alive?”  

In my case, one of the ways I feel really alive is when I’m doing something new that stretches my abilities and is something I really want to try, like hiking the West Coast Trail (which I did, and loved, in 2004).

About Christine

Positive thinker. Writer. Personal empowerment coach. Lover of travel and adventure, oceans and mountains, and the energy of a big city.Oh, and deep belly laughs, sappy movies and spirited conversations. Believer in limitless human potential.
This entry was posted in Inspiration, Life, Purpose and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Heart of the Matter

  1. Louise says:

    I can honestly say I never remember experiencing that “missing something” feeling. All I know is that when I was 12, I read something around Christmas time about why Jesus came into the world. I was having a bath and reading quietly about this and afterward I just kneeled beside my bed and asked for forgiveness and for God to come in my heart, I “gave my life” to God. I wasn’t expecting to feel anything different for “praying” (which I’d been doing my whole life) but at that very moment I felt more alive than I ever have. I felt this incredible sense of love, peace, joy-my heart was so full I thought I would burst! I knew something was profoundly different having chosen to “hand over” my life to God and live for him. As I have gone along I have always kept asking for God to put me where he wants me to be and to use me for the purpose he created me for. After all, I thought if he created me and gave me life and put me here on this earth for a reason then who better to ask about my purpose than the author of my life?

  2. Pingback: Living on Purpose (part 1) | The Brighter Side of Life

  3. I have been experiencing a very similar feeling, when my husband and I decided to go for a travel in Asia. We work on the web and we can afford moving around. Eventually we stopped in India where I learned yoga and my life acquired a whole new dimension of new knowledge, experience, of atmosphere of being around people who are just like you and have similar goals int heir life. Besides yoga study, we’ve been to trekking in Himalayas, around Annapurna circle, which by then was one of the most intensive feelings in my life. It was amazing. But with time, on our third and fourth visit to Asia I started feeling that I learned a lot, and that currently, when I’m not realizing my knowledge by sharing it in any way, I’m just consuming new impressions. It’s a little “empty feeling”. yeah, besides India, this time we were to Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, and the impressions are great, but that still felt as consumption. I felt that I need a creative activity that helps me realize my knowledge, my strengths, interests, not just to consume them but translate into something that I do myself, creating on my own. I hope you can understand me. That kind of activity was mentioned by Eric Fromm as an indispensable condition of true happiness. To find where your element is, what you love to do, and to do it. It’s not enough to do anything – only the thing your heart lies to. It’s not enough just to practice or “consume” it, like reading books, etc., – you really need to create something, to be on creative part of it. Like, I like yoga. At the current moment of my life, just practicing yoga, and studying is not enough – although I love studying with my teachers, it gives me so much new knowledge and inspiration – but I felt that i will be more fulfilled when I start teaching.

    • Yes! I believe I definitely understand what you’re saying. It sounds like you have been opened up to incredible experiences in life and spirituality through your travels, though now you’re left feeling hollow because you haven’t brought those experiences to “realization” yet, i.e. you haven’t created with or taught what you’ve absorbed.

      That’s a challenging but exciting position to be in. It’s awesome you realize it’s important to you to expand on what you’ve experienced, because once you do, you’ll be enriching the knowledge of others as well. And what a gift to give to the world and to yourself – a new creation, where you’ve built upon the amazing things that have touched your life so deeply. The first step was realizing that you need “more” – now the rest will unfold.

      By the way, a close friend of mine visited the Annapurna Sanctuary and trekked around the area years ago, and was very moved by the experience.

      Thank you so much for sharing such a heartfelt comment! It’s really appreciated. I wish you all the best on your journey. Please visit again!

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