Overall things are really good. I’m happy with my life and grateful for the people in it. So how do I explain that I need more? Guilt – something I used to have far too close a relationship with – would set in if I let it: “Isn’t my family enough? What about my work? My friends?” Well, the situation is what it is: I need more. I need the piece of the puzzle that’s been in hiding.
Strangely enough, I recently stumbled across a journal entry I had written back in 1996 where I talked about searching for meaning. So apparently this has been an issue for me for a long time. Far too long.
I’ve talked to friends going through this too. They plow through their busy lives and all is fine on the surface, but deep down they feel like something is missing, something they can’t quite put their finger on. Like their lives have somehow gone slightly off course.
I made a decision: I’m not going to live on auto pilot, just going through the motions. I’m going to get back to basics and figure out what really makes me tick. What drives me. What makes me, well… me. To help with this, I’ve been working with a life coach. I’ll write more on that in a future post, but will just say that it’s been an amazing process.
The positive thing about this discomfort that’s reared its ugly head in my life for, um, years, is that it’s finally pushed me to make some changes. I’m now actually doing something about it! And I’m growing in the process.
Do you know anyone experiencing a similar nagging feeling? Oh, and on a fun note, here’s some food for thought: when in your life have you felt most “alive?”
In my case, one of the ways I feel really alive is when I’m doing something new that stretches my abilities and is something I really want to try, like hiking the West Coast Trail (which I did, and loved, in 2004).